If you were simply driving down the street in Leon Valley, you probably wouldn't even notice Starr and Bob Calo-oy's home. You surely wouldn't dream what goes on there!
This devoted couple, blissfully married 25 years with ten children, care for the terminally ill and Alzheimer patients in their own home, My Brother's Keeper, until their guests pass away there.
Bob explains, "Fifty percent of our ministry involves the families of our residents. The hands-on care is second nature and very fulfilling to us."
Sometimes, however, the Calo-oys must minister to grieving family members who are racked with undeserved guilt of all kinds. Doing this with the help of the Holy Spirit gives them the ultimate satisfaction. "We take the entire family through that final journey and lead most of them to Jesus, so our home is also our mission field," Bob explains. "To be a part of this, day in and day out, is humbling."
Starr adds, "Sixteen years ago, when we first started, we gravitated toward dementia victims because they were so helpless. They couldn't tell their families that they were being neglected or abused when they lived in a more institutional setting."
This is why Starr and Bob care for only three at a time, in order to provide the highest quality of care available and "to have the time to minister and pamper them." They have been care-givers for quadriplegics, paraplegics, head injuries, young and old disabled people as well as the well-minded elderly public over the years.
One case sticks out in Starr's mind. One night she curled up in the bed with Clara (last name witheld), holding the old woman and rocking her. Although she had dementia and didn't quite understand that her husband had died, she knew that there was a deep emptiness and void in her life; she couldn't understand exactly what it was, but she knew that something was sorely missing. She would wander all over the house looking for something; she didn't quite know what.
Eventually Clara lost her ability to speak. A new client, Dorothy, came to share her room. She did not have dementia, but she was physically unable to care for herself anymore and she was cruel and unsociable.
"Every morning, while I would help her get ready for the day, I would give her testimony of the miracles Bob and I had experienced on the mission field," Starr says. "I would ask her if she wanted to receive Jesus as her personal Lord and Savior; she would curse God and say she wanted to go to hell. She added that she was going to take me with her and anyone else she could! All I could do was to pray, silently, for the Lord to soften her heart."
One morning Dorothy had a stroke that left her speechless. Just hours earlier Starr had seen Clara telling her about Jesus.
Sometime later, while Starr was getting her ready for the day and giving the usual testimony, Dorothy tapped her on the shoulder and uttered the words, "Please pray."
It had taken all of her energy and will, but she managed to get those two words out of her heart and mouth-words that would give her eternal life.
Starr asked her, "Are you ready to ask Jesus into your heart?" She nodded. "I prayed for her and witnessed, firsthand, as her heart softened, as the tears fell down her cheeks and as she passed from death, into an eternity with the Lord as her Savior," Starr says.
"Clara's family and I had been praying for months for the Lord to take her home to be with her husband Kevin. She was having such a hard time swallowing, and had only been consuming two to three cans of Ensure Plus a day, and a little water," Starr remembers. "We really thought that it was way past time for her to go. But we also knew that our heavenly Father, in all of His infinite wisdom, had had one more task for his child Clara to perform. That task was to lead Dorothy to Him, and that is just what she did."
Six hours after Dorothy accepted Jesus as her Savior, Clara died. And two hours after that, Dorothy died. "We feel certain that Clara was waiting in the light to welcome her new friend into the Kingdom of God," Bob says. "Although we have cared for the terminally ill for fourteen years, never before have two of the residents in our care passed away on the same day."
Bob and Starr were able to minister to both families in their living room that day and all of them were in awe at the heart and mind of God.
As if caring for three high maintenance residents and all of their families, reporting to doctors, nurses and agencies — in addition to their own two small children still at home — isn't enough to keep them busy, Starr and Bob are authors of the Caring Caregivers Guides book series. They also write columns periodically for the Express-News, SAWorship.com and the San Antonio Christian Beacon. Up until a year ago, they led marriage classes for fifteen years for University of the Family.
When asked how they have the energy and time to do so many things, they reply, "We pray together daily and commit everything we do to the Lord so that our plans are established. We also watch out for each other's rest, get away together-alone, and play games with each other and the children on a regular basis. We put the other's desires and needs before our own. This keeps our love for each other more than alive; it keeps it blazing!"
Have you ever heard the old saying, "Some were called, some were sent and some just went"? Starr and Bob know they were called of God to provide care for the elderly. To them it's not a job- it's a calling; and they are the first to tell you they are the best at what they do and to give all the glory to God. Burnout isn't even in their vocabulary.
For more information about the Calo-oy caregiving ministry, go to their Web site at www.caregiversadvice.net
